1. |
South Star
01:52
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Hanging with men twice my age at the South Star
The food has been better since they've changed their owners
But all things considered it's just an added bonus
Cause I might've gone crazy cooped up inside
And I needed a change of scenery
Not to mention a break from these
Twenty-somethings who act like they are fourteen
No I didn't see your tweet or Instagram story
Hey, while you're at it, make one about me
I don't wanna play this game anymore
It's a pissing contest
Who fakes it the best
I'll spend Friday night up on Pemberton Street
Get dinner with these old heads every week
Hey shout out to Happy Hour, no not that happy hour
Cause these days I'm not about that
Luke calls me grandpa or step dad
He's joking
But he might be right
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2. |
Conditional
03:34
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I don’t wanna be mad anymore
We saw the world together
And now we don’t talk
Now we can’t talk
There’s this version of you that resides in my head
Doesn’t resemble the man I once called a friend
I loved you like a brother
But sometimes brothers grow apart
Grow apart
So glad we’re not under the same roof
While I write these lines about you
So glad we’re not under the same roof
While I write these lines about you
I don’t want a conditional friendship
I don’t want your conditional friendship
I don’t want a conditional friendship
I don’t want your conditional friendship
I don’t want your conditional friendship
I don’t want your conditional friendship
I don’t want your conditional friendship
I don’t want your conditional friendship
No
No, no, no
I’m done holding on to hope
Of finishing those songs we wrote
Remove my name from your liner notes
Cut me out so no one ever knows
That we were once brothers chasing after our dreams
Now we don’t see each other, how’s that for extremes
The end was coming, guess this is the means
To be fair my side of the street ain’t that clean
The part that hurts the most is that I would do
The same thing if I was in your shoes
Don’t think I’m not mad at myself too
The dream got the best of both me and you
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3. |
Circles
02:08
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The circles under my eyes are growing ever darker
I’ve never seen this shade of purple on a human
Except with makeup
I’ve made up my mind
If I don’t change my ways I’ll surely fall behind
I feel so sick
I look like shit
I am the last person who noticed
My therapist is probably pissed
Cause he knows I don’t intend on changing it
Coming up on two years
Thought I’d of fixed this by now
Came up on 23
Still working it out
And I’m craving a cigarette
In the car I go
Don’t think this is what they meant
When they said progress is slow
Who am I to say
I can’t think straight
I am the first to find the harder way
If you’re anything like me
If you’re anything like me
This is your sign to go to sleep
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4. |
Burned
02:21
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I want to throw my phone in the lake
What do you want
Don’t call again
I sound so jaded
But we’re acquaintances, not friends
Its always those
We keep at an arm’s length
Who ask for more
More, more, more, more
Gave enough
Gave enough
Gave too much
Gave enough
Gave enough
I’m spread so thin
Every little thing
Feels like an inconvenience
And I snap
At those who don’t deserve it
I hate when I’m like this
Who is it hurting
When I burn with rage
It’s me who’s hurt
It’s me who’s burned
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5. |
Atlantic Shitty
02:33
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I wanted this song to be about how much I needed a wild night out
It’s true, in a way, but not in the way I wanted
Seeing signs for Absecon and driving right past Stockton
Put a knot in my stomach and I could hardly stomach the idea of food
But god am I thirsty and tonight Cody turns thirty
And I can’t think of a better time to relapse
But alas, it’s my responsibility to get these boys home safely
So help me god if that isn’t what happens
I know what will happen
If I put that drink to my lips
And let my disease get a hold of the poison
They’ll be pissed as they’re calling their Lyft
And if I don’t die I’ll wind up in prison
Cause that’s what happens
When you smell the bay and see the bright array of lights
You know you’ll be gambling on having a good time
I’m staring at a screen with tropical fish
And it’s making all kinds of noises
Sure sounds like I’m winning
But that number’s decreasing
I know I’m due for a big one
So I’m taking out my wallet
I know it’s gonna happen, come on any second now
Please don’t tell me I have a problem with this too
I have a problem with this too
And I know I can never walk at the right time
I’m always walking a fine line
Say it ain’t so
Say it ain’t so
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6. |
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Regarding purchases I’ve made you’re among the best
I gave you as a gift
But when we split
You were the only thing I kept
We saw the country, we went coast to coast
You as my co-captain, it’s strange but you’ve been
Personified to a point that can’t be undone
Now you’re a song to be sung
And I don’t care if the world sees me for how utterly lonely I am
Cause I am
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7. |
It's The Eyes
03:09
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Confessed my love a thousand times and what do I
What do I have to show for it
It’s another disappointment
Another explanation
That it didn’t go the way I hoped
I hope I learn my lesson
Cause how many times
How many more times will I fuck myself
By not keeping my mouth shut
And getting my hopes up
And lying about what
The situation is
I’m gonna lose you
You were fine before I came back
You’ll be fine if I go
Confessed my guilt a thousand times
So why do I
Why do I do it all again
It’s another I’m sorry
Another amends
It’s so hard to help myself when you
When you look at me that way
You say it’s the eyes
God it’s those eyes, I am defenseless
I’m lost in a second
And standing here breathless
Making my exit
To give you guys a chance I gotta lose you
I take comfort in the fact that you once loved me
“I’m gonna take it with me when I go”
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8. |
Pocket Change
05:03
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A lack of communication caused a loss of three day's pay
Today I purchased my lunch in change
On the topic of pocket change, I've been putting a jar full in sleeves
Because I can't afford to lose the fee that a coin star would take
I feel like a god damn deadbeat
Cause I had the money
And I pissed it all away
Now I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul
I feel like a lost cause
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink
But if he's thirsty enough he will
The question at hand is not why I do this, but when will I stop
I climbed up a mountain and I shot myself in my knees and my feet
A month of bad decisions caused a loss of three week's peace
Today I traded my plans for sleep
It's ironic, the topic of sleep cause it's pushing 4am
And I have a hell of a day on the horizon
I just might be hopeless
Here's my prognosis:
I'm as dumb as the day is long
Peter and Paul kicked my ass
Under God's command
I thought I was being baptized but they just held me down
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9. |
Something Else, Pt. 1
02:36
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There’s so much death
It inches closer to home
A boy, senior year of high school
He’s gone
There’s a family, they’ll never be the same
Like my family
Who hasn’t been the same
If there’s something else out there
Why does death break our hearts
Why does it hurt so much
I believe our lives here are a fraction of what really “is”
And if that’s even partly true, why doesn’t death feel more like a graduation
Some sort of bittersweet farewell
Either way, we all know what we have here lacks permanence
Yet it blindsides us every time
I don’t know what the point of this whole rant is
But I guess it’s worth saying that, cliche as it might sound, we should make the most of the time we have with our loved ones
Maybe we shouldn’t be so scared about what’s next
Of losing someone
It’s gonna be alright
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10. |
Something Else, Pt. 2
01:36
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And I think I want to go
Nothing left to fear
I want to go
Thought hard enough
Thought hard enough
There’s something else
There’s something else
There’s something else
I want to see it for myself
To be in a room with my loved ones again
The sound of your voice is fading
I want to go
Hear your voice again
I know, I know
You’re with me still
I know, I know
But I want to come home
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11. |
Something Else, Pt. 3
00:59
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Nothing left to fear
I wanna go
Maybe we shouldn’t be so scared
(What we have here lacks permanence)
(Losing someone)
I wanna come home
(It’s gonna be alright)
(What we have here is a fraction of what really is)
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12. |
Born Again Asshole
03:51
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You say you're a man of Jesus Christ
But Jesus Christ, man
I think you think you're him
But you're just a born again asshole
Wake up, get real
Get real, get real
Be humble or be humiliated
Shut up, shut up now
Cause one of your "disciples" is spewing nonsense
Words that can kill
Isn't there something in the book about that
It's Friday night in the heart of Lent
As you sink your teeth in that 12oz New York strip
You're a walking and talking hypocrisy
Torn between bragging about your faith or your money
Why not both
It boosts your ego the same
Be humble or be humiliated
I'm sorry it had to be me
You're twice my age with half the integrity
But thank god you were "here to teach me"
How many people have you buried
By running your mouth when you don't know a god damn thing
Twice my age with half the integrity
Twice my age but you haven't learned a thing
Leave your religion at the fucking door
31 years, still don't know the rules around here
Find me in the parking lot when I'm feeling as "spiritual" as you
At least you'd have the money to fix your teeth
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13. |
Sleepwalk
02:36
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Critique comes from every angle
I’m acutely aware
(I guess I’m on my own again)
I don’t feel empathy from anyone
Til I give them their cut
It’s freezing cold
In this shop in multiple ways
I wanna sleepwalk with the rest of the world
I wanna run off with a beautiful girl
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14. |
Total Waste
01:27
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Wasted my whole weekend
It was supposed to be a vacation
But I just can’t stop working
Yet I got nothing done
A mediocre song about doing nothing
A mediocre effort, half assed it
If you couldn’t tell, I’m done
I'm done
This feeling will pass
But right now I’m done
I’ll tell it like it is
I have no heart to bullshit
I’ll tell it like it is
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15. |
Turned To Minutes
03:00
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It’s a pattern with me
Can’t humble myself and say I need you
To talk me out of my head again
You’re exhausted and I’m exhausting
It’s a pattern with me
Isolate myself so you don’t realize
I’m not as strong as I seemed to be
I am broken but can’t let it show
As if you don’t already know
As if you hadn’t realized our hour conversations have turned to minutes
Sometimes I forget you’re not as naive as I am
But let me play pretend
Shake this off before the summer hits
Toughen up before it’s 56
Hours a week, no days off
And I still have to write these god damn songs
Marc doesn’t think that I am built for this
I can’t say I disagree with him
But every time I’m doubted
I only want it more
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16. |
Grace Lord Park
03:15
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There’s white smoke
Pouring out of the van’s hood
So we turn back, turn back, turn back
New car, still us, sifting through cd’s
Sharing stories of travels, breakdowns
Six years of catching up to do
First time alone with you
A sign that reads Elizabeth Cranford
The story says we’re getting close
Trying to retrace the footsteps
Of the kid who was here before
Of a kid I don’t know at all
Rewriting memories
I think I’ll hold on to this one
There’s a blocked off walk way
Step over caution tape
Warn you about poison ivy
But that was the least of my concern
In the six hours that I spent with you
Nearly died to see the view
Sitting on the top of Boonton Falls
Water misting on our skin
Anxious as you walk to the edge
You’ve got a death wish in your stride
But I’ll follow you anywhere
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17. |
No Need To Worry
01:47
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Things are looking up
Maybe we have a chance
Keeping our heads above
The water til they push down
Things are looking up
But I won’t put my guard down
We’ve got proper help
There’s no need to worry
Soon enough
I will be free again
From underneath your boot again
Trying to remain positive
For as long I can
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18. |
Take One For The Team
02:33
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Who is going to take one for the team and love me?
To whom it may concern: hello, hello
Does desperation look good on me and does it match these shoes?
I’ll try not to talk much
I’m as loyal as a pup
Whatever it is, you’ll know I’m good for it
This heart is full of love
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19. |
It's Not Fun
00:59
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I'm bored of this
It was much more fun
When I didn't know if I could do it
Now it's effortless, effortless
It's effortless, effortless
Now it's second nature
Now it's not fun
Now it's not fun
Now it's not fun
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20. |
Screaming Match
03:29
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Out of nowhere I found myself on the backroads again
Gently closing my eyes for as long as my tired mind would let me
I just couldn’t drift far enough from my lane
I just couldn’t keep them closed long enough
I had a screaming match with God on the last leg of my trip
Hyperventilating, avoiding anyone that could help me
The image of my mother looking over my body is enough to carry me through again
Much to my dismay I made it home
I laid down on the floor in front of the liquor cabinet
I don’t know how I’m still alive, let alone sober
I suppose that there’s something out there that loves me more than I could love myself
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21. |
You Can Call Me Flood
02:30
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Talking business in the park
Drowned out by the cheers
Investigate the scene
Stumble upon a group of high school kids partying
Fifty kids drunk in a field
As we leave I start to feel nostalgia for a time that’s gone
Do you remember when we had fun
Cause I do, I do
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22. |
Human
01:56
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I need to focus on myself, but not too much, for that would be selfish
I should be confident with who I am, but not too much, for that would be cocky
I should be more humble, but not too much, for that reverse pride is just as egocentric as pride itself
There's a line straight down the center and we all weave back and forth like a double helix
And what could describe the human experience any better than that
A hug or a hustle, in time a good mind fades
The fear of overgrowth under appreciates the lives tied up with your self-sufficient straddle
Untied or unraveled, too bright to battle your own indecision
What's next is to follow the work done for no one but those who come first
As you lay down in dirt, don't forget to keep clinging to unquenchable thirst
I've been trying to learn more about what I am
On a psychological and a philosophical level
But I don't believe one can think or educate themselves into their own identity
The majority of that comes from within
Life comes from within
Fear the past you present, the future endeavor
What's not yet loved or the words left over
Black hearts don't give, mild eyes won't wallow
Abandon regrets in the gleams of tomorrow
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23. |
Corners
02:14
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I’ll let my mind wander tonight
Grown tired of chasing my thoughts to their roots
I’m a little tired of a lot of things
It was beautiful outside today but I’ve forced myself to stay in and write
For something that doesn’t mean that much to anyone but me
I remember being a part of something bigger than me
Something that wouldn’t work if someone was missing
I think the world forces us into our own corners
We just fend for ourselves
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24. |
It's Not The Eyes
02:21
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Played it out every way in my head
Just like you have
Inch a little closer
We’ll turn our thoughts off
I’ll say how I feel:
It’s so much than your eyes
It’s everything
You’re so much more than you think
And I love you for it
I love you for you
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25. |
I Am What I Am
01:49
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Today I realized I’m just as bad as every jaded, miserable fuck I work with
Today I realized I’m just as cruel as everyone who has hurt me
Today I realized I do all those things I prided myself on not doing
Today I realize I am nothing
I am nothing
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26. |
Inventory
02:12
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Making minor tweaks to show that I have nothing left to give to you
You beat me into conformity
So if you have anything to say after this I'm gonna walk
I see my faults, do you see yours
Are you willing to own them the way that I own mine
Take your own...
Take your own inventory
Please, just this once
My wants are getting louder
I want this to end
What do you want
If you only knew...
If you only knew you'd beg me to stay
So beg me to stay
Be grateful for what you've got
I'll take the compliments right now
Are you proud of me
Or does you pride keep you from saying that to anyone
Well I hate to say this but
You're just like your old man
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27. |
Liabilities
02:30
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It should not have come to this
But I always see things through until it's too late
Til’ I want to harm myself and can’t stop spiraling
You wouldn’t get it til’ you live it
I live it
What I wouldn’t give
What we wouldn’t give
To feel how everybody does
To live without liabilities
They’ve never felt what we’ve felt
They don’t know
They’re lacking empathy
But they don’t know
So we don’t stay bitter
But we don’t speak of our progress
Cause they don’t deserve to know
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28. |
Is It Too Late?
01:16
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Your face in that light
I’m- I’m stumbling
My heart is warm
Looking in your eyes while sleep knocks at my door
But I’m afraid of finding a reason to stay
Is it too late?
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29. |
Too Late, Indeed
01:02
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Hey, are you happy for me
Or are you being selfish again, again
Again, again, again
Nothing- nothing's ever new
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30. |
Soon Enough, Though
01:02
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I don’t have the words
Frankly I can’t say them yet
Soon enough, though, you’ll understand
So take my cryptic words
Soon enough you’ll understand
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31. |
Mine To Write
02:08
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So many things that I want to see
Can’t see while I’m stuck
Experiences I won’t have if I play it safe
I’ve been standing idle, but unable to catch my breath
I deserve to be free from old failures
To let who I am today define how I’m perceived
To let who I am today grow into what he could be
I write the rest of the story
I write the rest of the story
And I’ll write the rest of my song cause it’s mine to write
You no longer dictate my life
You no longer dictate my life
You no longer dictate my life
You no longer dictate our life
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32. |
Sight Unseen
02:13
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I can't tell if I'm more scared or excited
Rooms being hollowed out
It's only a fraction of the list that carries a tenth of the weight
Teaching my replacement
The system I've crafted
Years of fabrication
Just to walk away from it
If I'm making a mistake, it's too late
If I'm making a mistake, it's too late
If I'm making a mistake, it's too
It's too late
But the easy way does no good for the path I'm on
How can I learn without leaving
The path is bottlenecking
No other options
A mistake is but a choice unmade
Sign sight unseen
Learn to live with it
You need this for what you want
You need this for what you want
Go
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33. |
The Problem Was Staying
03:37
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Three straight weeks in distress
So much to pack
So many people to see
I know I can't see them all
Why do I feel so guilty
For giving myself room to grow
Off I go
Reconnecting with everyone that I've known
But off I go
Pack the van high
Will it go one more time
Pack the van high
It's gotta go one more time
Two straight days in distress
With no A/C
Vast Appalachia is no good for Bessie
But we press on
Cause I'm over feeling guilty
Each mile we crawl is one mile closer to home
It was time to go
Time to connect with a part of myself that I never got to know
I'm almost Home
I thought I was the problem with leaving
But the problem was that I had never left
That I had never left, now I'm off to find myself
I'm off to meet myself
I'm off to meet myself
I'm off to meet myself
I'm off to meet myself
I'm off to meet myself
I'm off to meet myself
I'm off to meet myself
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34. |
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The van limps into the driveway of our new home
Finishing a sixteen hundred mile trek
To be greeted with an unfinished project, a dead cockroach in the tub
Is it just me or did we get the landlord special
It’s a shit flip but it’s alright
Cause we can fix damn near anything with silicone and duct tape
This is home
As long as we choose to make it so
So let’s grab our tools and fuck it up
Let’s fuck it up
Cause we both know that we’re not getting that security deposit back
It’s not perfect but we’re still happy
Cause every time we turn the key we know
It’s so much more than a place to rest our heads
It carries more weight than that
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35. |
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What did I do to deserve this?
I’ve a beautiful life
Removing the rose colored lens
I see the world as it really is
It’s heartbreaking
It’s easier to look away
I remain grateful but tents under the overpass aren’t there to remind me to give thanks
There’s got to be more that I can do
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36. |
Reruns
02:37
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Got up at the ass crack of dawn
And that’s about all I’ve done right today
First I gotta fill you in here
Cause there’s all these gaps in the story
And I’m so far, so far behind
To make a long story short
I told a lie just to burn the bridge down anyway
I’m always doing everything in my power to save my face and for what
These people don’t know me
Would the truth have hurt that bad
That’s a funny way of saying that I quit my job
But that pretty much sums it up
Somehow I lined up a new gig
In just a few short days and with that we’re up to date
To make a short story long
I put on display reruns of my incompetence
Even the commercials lacked confidence
I wish they'd tell it to me straight, I mean why not
These people don’t know me
Would the truth hurt that bad
|
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37. |
Too Young To Know
04:28
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Paralyzed by the fear of being inferior
My charm can’t save me when there’s a language barrier
An optimistic application, they bought me for more than I’m worth
It’s like somehow being so underpaid was easier than knowing I’m not
It’s a late stage capitalistic internal conflict that I lack the wherewithal to know how to deal with
Put me back
Put me back on the starving side
For its the struggle I’ve romanticized
Money’s a luxury that I can’t afford
At least that’s what they tell me
But am I conditioned to be optimistic about the payment for back breaking work
It’s a game of mental ping pong when I’m assessing how much I’m worth
The left would say it’s pennies, the right would say be grateful
But I feel like the little boy caught in the middle and too young to know
Hey kid here’s a few bucks but your back won’t work in 30 years
By the way, it’ll take that long to figure out we’re fucking you
We’re so glad to have you on the team
|
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38. |
Boxcar
01:22
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The man retires broken
Knees and back worn out
That’s no way to spend the “best” years
Has he suffered enough, suffered enough, suffered enough, suffered enough
How will I spend my “best” years
Don’t want to end up like him, no
I’ll probably end up like him, no, no
Hasn’t he suffered enough
Hasn’t he suffered enough for you
|
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39. |
Sick Day(s)
01:30
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|
Step one: call in sick
Step two: plot your escape sitting in the laundromat again
It’s big talk from someone who can not afford a washer or dryer
It’s always one foot in
And one foot out
Sometimes I forget
To call myself…
On my own bullshit
If I can spin it I can sell it
Pockets empty but I’m buying
Pockets empty but I’m buying
|
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40. |
401kill Myself
03:37
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|
This wasn't part of my calculations
So what the hell are we gonna do now
These percents are hard to stomach, I'm bleeding out
This pain spreads to new parts of my body throughout the day
These meds put me out
Comatose, face down on my bed
(Shoes on, hang off the bed)
(Shoes on, hang off the bed)
If I didn't have a pulse no one would know
Keeping secrets if you're close to me
So you can never get too close to me
Is it still lying by omission if I omit everything
Shoes on, hang off the bed
Here come the bad thoughts again
Shoes on, hang off the bed
Here come the bad thoughts again
Here come the bad thoughts again
Here come the bad thoughts again
Here come the bad thoughts again
Here I go again and I'm afraid it's worse than it's been
I can't lie to you
But I've been trying to
Is this the real world
This is the real world
(It's messy, like real messy)
Is this the real world
This is the real world
Is this the real world
This is the real world
Is this the real world
This is the real world
Is this the real world
This is the real world
Is this the real world
This is the real world
|
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41. |
Future Tripping
02:46
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It’s taken a lot of self awareness and even more writing to recognize
That since I landed here
Commitment issues have seeped into every area, every crack and crevice
Unknowingly reckless
If there’s no chaos I will create it
Usually it’s subconscious
Albeit clear in hindsight
I can’t seem to catch it or stop it in real time
Perpetually behind
I’m too slow a thinker… hey was that in time?
To realize
That I’m future tripping or romanticizing the past
I’m one year behind or two years ahead
Nostalgia for entertainment
The future for being creative
Yeah that’s a real beautiful sentiment my guy, I’m not surprised that it all fell apart
Where in my thinking is my logic flawed
It’s all, it’s all, it’s all, it’s all, it’s all wrong
So why can’t I stop
Future tripping or romanticizing the past
I’m one year ahead or two years behind
I’m in your head projecting, projecting, projecting
I’m future tripping
I’m romanticizing the past
Again, again, again, again, again it plays in my head
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42. |
Stray Cat Blues
02:35
|
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I’ve been missing home
Missing the same things that pushed me away
So vulnerable we are
When we get smacked with truth
Woke up humbled
And don’t know what to do
Or who I am
Is it okay to not know
I don’t know
But getting in touch with my emotions doesn’t bring home the bread
If you saw me huddled up in the corner of my room with Rudy
You probably wouldn’t think much of my opinion
Or read that book I’ve been meaning to write
Or listen to songs yet to come
Journaled everyday for 4 months and yet
I’ve no clues regarding what I’m supposed to do, what I offer
It’s becoming clear
That there’s two halves of life
The first you’re cultivating
The second you realize that all of this means nothing
That goes for you and for me
The stray outside my window is singing the blues with me
Hey buddy, this one’s for you
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43. |
No Correlation
00:59
|
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|
Twenty four
Each year on November 17th I’m forced to acknowledge the points I plotted have no correlation
To each other or the life I want to build
21: a drunk
22: seven months
23: can’t quite catch up
Years of my life went missing
To what extent does that effect emotional maturity
The Crystal Palace that was my formative years crumbled around me
Left me searching
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44. |
No Brakes, No Breaks
01:44
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I thought that this would be a beautiful way
To document the progress I’d make
52 songs for myself and friends who followed along
But 44 weeks in, tangible evidence that I’m on a slow decline
I confused happiness with productivity
All gas, no brakes
It’s breaking me
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45. |
No Comment
01:29
|
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46. |
Choices
01:26
|
|
||
|
Another crossroads in my life
Own the choices you make
The anxiousness I feel
Is all my fault
Yet I am powerless over it
A compulsion to make things ever more difficult for myself
|
||||
47. |
Blueprint
02:00
|
|
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|
I’m not the one with the plan
And every time I think I am
I cut the pieces to the wrong measurements
And when I assemble it
It does not resemble
The fucking blueprint
|
||||
48. |
This Pattern
02:05
|
|
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|
Got to the bottom of this pattern:
Square peg, round hole
I am what keeps me sick
I’ve pointed every finger that I could
I’ve pointed every finger that I could
Again it’s me
Again it comes to me
I try and I try
It comes to me
Again
Comes down to me
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||||
49. |
|
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|
We should have caught that flight
Traded time spent with loved ones for convenience
It made sense in our heads, it’s been regret ever since
We say little to each other, I spend the whole day in bed
The phone calls I thought would pour in never poured in
Isolation in the lone star state, all self inflicted
My brain knows it’s far too late to start driving but my heart, oh my heart…
I can’t see that which isn’t right in front of me
A lack of foresight prescribed a heavy dose of blues
But I feel all the pain on these
I feel all the pain
The group at the club was the island of misfit toys
(Frozen for hours)
And a train with square wheels can’t take me home
A boat that can’t float can’t take me home
(Frozen for hours)
A plane that can’t fly can’t take me home
The booze behind the glass looked so enticing
But I opted for ice cream- it’s healthier
Two cheap cigars- still healthier
I can’t see that which isn’t right in front of me
The holiday spirit is gone
So here’s your fucking Christmas song
I hate myself for what I’ve done
My mother, my niece and my nephew
Miss me terribly
And selfishly I chose to stay back for the sake of convenience
But in the pit of my stomach I know this virus won’t let me come home
Frozen for hours
We should have caught that flight
Isolation in the lone star state
Self inflicted, for convenience
I can’t see that which isn’t right in front of me
|
||||
50. |
Mosaic
13:53
|
|
||
|
What is missing in your life and what are you going to do about it?
Have you ever felt that your passions have been detrimental to the way you function in society?
If you had killed yourself, what would you have missed?
How have the hardships in your life changed you?
Is there a part of you that you hide from the world? Why?
How have you withstood so much hardship and kept a positive attitude? What force kept you going?
What is the meaning of life?
|
||||
51. |
Wise Words
04:34
|
|
||
|
"Don't give up"
Wise words minus the wisdom
I'm learning nothing from these failures
Just new conclusions to keep me from sleep
Data proves there's something wrong with me
My personality will never offset how gross my body is, in fact
It might make it worse
You'd have to be deaf and blind to love me
For I've a mouth that can't stop speaking
And a face that can't help looking like that
And I doubt that you'd want
These calloused hands on you
Who would want to be touched by me?
Who would want to be loved by me?
Situations repeat until I learn the lesson
But what's the lesson here?
A triumphant chorus echoes all around me
There's melodies and counter melodies and backups all conflicting
So which part am I supposed to listen to?
Be quiet I can't tell which voice is speaking the loudest
You have to let go, don't give up, give this to God, persistence is the key, you are not qualified to handle these things, no one could ever love you, you're one stroke away from striking gold, you are the sweetest person I know
You have to let go, don't give up, give this to God, persistence is the key, you are not qualified to handle these things, anyone would be lucky to have you, you're one stroke away from striking gold, you're flat out repulsive
Over and over and over in my head, over and over and over in my head, over and over this rings out
Followed by uncomfortable silence, followed by uncomfortable silence, followed by uncomfortable silence
And then they're back
|
||||
52. |
A Year In The Life
03:34
|
|
||
|
This feels so good I don't want to stop
Driven by fear of regression
Or my obsession with documentation
I spent a year exploring just how ugly the human brain can be
I'll spend a couple stanzas exploring the beauty
This feels so good I don't want to stop
God I thrive under pressure
I love the muse when she roughs me up
Then blesses me with her love
I'm yours to use
I'll meet you half way between our worlds
Don't stop now
For we've only just begun
There's only so much pride I can take in what isn't mine
This is ours, so just keep doing that thing you do
I'll be the hands you need, I'll be the lungs that sing
This is our song I'm just the one to sing it
One last look before we jump in
We're lighter than we've ever been
Dancing in sync with higher sources
Of power we never thought we'd know
One last look before we're Home
Air is thinning as we are ascending
All good stories have an ending
|
||||
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